Woke up this morning feeling melancholy. Now, it’s the last morning of my little mini break so you might assume it’s because I’m coming to the end of a nice holiday and not wanting to go back to regular life; but that’s not it.
While I’ve certainly enjoyed it, had relaxing times as well as adventures with the family; I have the nagging feeling this morning that it’s all been wasted time. I somehow don’t feel rested, like I haven’t been on holiday at all.
For the parents out there, my kids are not the cause of it (this time). At 11 and 14 years, they are mostly independent and, apart from occasionally annoying their mother, have been fine.
One thing I’ve noticed on this trip is my wife asking me a few times if I’m alright? Clearly she’s been perceiving something before I’ve even noticed.
But now my nagging issue is what is it exactly that I am feeling? I’ve been through my battles with depression before, but those times were easy to notice with an overwhelming sadness that would envelop me. This is very much not that feeling.
In general I feel ok. I don’t love my work but it certainly isn’t a cause of stress. Family life is good, finances are stable.
The why I’m feeling whatever it is I’m feeling right now is the biggest frustration.