Andrew Melder

I take and share a few photos. Recently many of those photos have been by the beach, as I and many others take advantage of the nice weather before winter comes around. I generally don’t like taking photos of people directly, but sometimes the context of the goings on within the community is a nice reference for trying to document how life is like within a specific time period.

However, the viewpoint I’ve been capturing is very much a privileged view of life here. The other, and unfortunately increasingly more common, part of life here in Western Australia is people doing it tough and sleeping rough.

It’s an aspect of life I do not capture because it feels exploitative to photograph those struggling to just survive. But in a State that is full of people who are lucky enough to have (like myself), it also feels slightly shameful to hide and minimise the plight of those who have not.

To be clear, I don’t think photographs are the answer to anything here. I’m just thinking of the bigger picture.

I honestly get overwhelmed thinking on what I as an individual can do to help, beyond the occasional act. As one person it feels like a crisis too big to get close to solving; let alone have the means to assist in any real, lasting way.

The situation is being noticed here. People in Perth are increasingly aware of homelessness and there’s occasionally a local news story highlighting the matter. However the tone of the voices on the subject, particularly by those in positions of both power and influence to make a meaningful difference, is often one expressing frustration at the inconvenience of the homeless on their privileged lives; then dismissal of the issue as someone else’s problem.

I don’t have a solution but it feels like more can be done. Politically though it might be a tough sell to, as an example, provide basic shelter for rough sleepers when there is a cost of living crisis overall and many are doing it tough and often going without meals just to maintain access to a shelter. It would be understandable for those people to feel disadvantaged by such an action just because you are scraping by to afford to live in a place but are barely getting by yourself.

But in a State where there’s no shortage of wealth being displayed or resources to be used, collectively we can do more.

Adapting how I journal to the medium

After I wrote on why I type my daily journal over handwriting, I thought I would challenge myself during March and handwrite my journal everyday instead of using my trusty digital word processor.

After 30 days, I felt slightly more comfortable with the notion of hand writing my journal. And while the long term lessons are probably yet to be determined, there is one key difference I’ve noticed between the two types of journaling.

Stream of consciousness vs deliberate thought journaling

One thing that became very clear to me early on was that I had to change how I wrote in my handwritten journal over my word processed ones: I needed to slow down.

My typed journaling is very much a stream of consciousness given my comfort with typing. It’s not that difficult for me to write the equivalent of a couple of pages of thoughts in the morning without much effort, and it’s fairly easy for me to get into a flow state of writing.

When handwriting I find it more frustrating. While over the course of 30 days I found myself getting more comfortable with handwriting much of that was due to forcing myself to slow down and be more deliberate with my thoughts, and in turn physically slow down my writing.

I see this as being a different kind of journaling: deliberate thoughts versus a stream of consciousness.

Forcing myself to take the time to write a deliberate thought, instead of trying to write as fast as I can to keep up with my mind, resulted in less words on a page for sure. However my main goal of journaling is not to write the most words, but to gather my thoughts and work through things so they aren’t cluttering my brain.

In the end, both methods achieve the same goal just in different ways.

Slowing down the mind through deliberate journaling has its benefits

My mind is very much prone to overthinking things; both a blessing in some scenarios and a curse. One of the other goals of journaling is to just get the clutter out of my head to clear up space for what matters.

Stream of consciousness journaling is one way to achieve this well. However, sometimes if the brain is already working overtime and a bit tired it might not help with actually calming your mind down, despite whatever you end up writing on the page.

More deliberate handwriting of a journal; taking your time and re-writing a word of a sentence just get the thought appropriately documented, can be more useful in calming a manic mind.

So which method am I using moving forward?

The truth is I’m not sure which way I’m going to go.

Using my word processor this morning to write my journal felt a little odd. I found myself wanting to get the tablet to handwrite.

However the other part of the equation is my desire to write more posts and articles about topics and items I enjoy. While I found myself enjoying the handwriting experience, I also found myself not sitting down to write as much outside of my journal time. As I did this morning with drafting this article, my flow sometimes involves moving between my journal file and article file and writing in both in the morning sessions. And I have no desire to handwrite these blog posts.

The other part is I don’t actually do anything yet with the journal notes, handwritten or typed. I back them up since they are all digital, but I have no plans to really use them once they are done. That might change with future technology possibly able to analyse our previous thoughts to get better insights for us to use, so a typed journal would be better for that use case.

In the end, I might try and keep up the handwriting practice for a little longer.

Ignore the stigma, unburden your pockets

While the world has seemingly started to accept men carrying a man bag or shoulder slings, there’s still a bit of a perception around the classic fanny pack (or waist pack / bum bag if you prefer).

I know this because since late January I’ve been wearing a fanny pack daily…and I god damn love it.

While us men are generally lucky to have most of our clothes contain pockets to store items; with some of us carrying more throughout the day, it’s useful to have a bag with some small items with you to free the weight in your pockets.

As mentioned, some have taken to carrying man bags or slings for this purpose. If that works for you, awesome. However, while I’ve tried a few of these bags, none of them have ended up in my daily rotation until I started wearing a fanny pack.

Let me go over the benefits I’ve found over other bag types for my daily carry.

Comfort

While I’ve tried some very good shoulder bags and slings, I’ve never been comfortable with carrying something around my shoulder all day. Even with a lite bag and minimal items, there is a fatigue to carrying extra weight on your shoulder/s for a period of time.

Personally, using a fanny pack and having that weight around my waist is far more comfortable. Like having a slightly heavier belt on. In addition, I don’t have the movement restriction of having a bag strapped around my shoulder, chest or back.

Convenience

Yes a shoulder bag could carry more things, but they are generally loose around your body and require you to find a place for the bag when you sit somewhere. Sling bags maybe slightly better for this as they are designed to be worn tightly on your chest or back, but you are often adjusting it back and forth depending on what your situation or needs are at any time.

My fanny pack stays mounted around my lap pretty much all day. It’s small enough that I can still sit comfortably with it on, and I can (mostly) access anything I need from the bag without needing to swing it around or take it off.

There’s occasional times where I will need to adjust or remove it temporarily; but far less often than any shoulder or sling bag with my usage.

Simplicity

Like with any bag, you can go overboard with this. However in general, fanny packs are limited in size and shape. Why is this a benefit?

First, it doesn’t tempt you to take too many items apart from items you may need. With larger shoulder bags, I found myself taking stuff I didn’t really need because the space was there; but then I’m carrying around more weight and making it slightly difficult to get to items I actually want.

Related to this is comfort; the more you carry, the more uncomfortable it is. Some sling bags are getting so big you can fit laptops in them. At that point even when tightened to your back, having that weight braced on a single shoulder is not as ergonomic and comfortable as just having a small backpack.

But Andrew, it doesn’t look very fashionable?

Well, some men can make fanny packs look fashionable. Chances are if you can’t make a fanny pack fashionable, a man bag or sling will look equally as unfashionable on you.

I’m definitely not one that makes this look good, but I’ve chosen to lean into it. Wear it proudly, try golf attire (flat caps and polo shirts).

Are you comfortable? Then be comfortable damnit. Besides you’re 40 and older now, why are you bothered by the opinions of others over your style or comfort.

Embrace the fanny pack!

My mind seems to be sabotaging me again.

Taking quite a privileged position at work and turning it into a “fight or flight” scenario; getting my anxiety up and wondering what’s next?

Once again, I find myself unfulfilled at work and I’m struggling with it. Most of the time (like right now) I can move forward and put my job as just a way to provide a lifestyle.

This morning was a different feeling though. A vagueness in my attitude, a lack of drive to do anything, a lack of energy just to move. Black dog, I know you well.

Thankfully I know the drill: you will come up with the worst possible scenarios to mull over. I have to identify them, accept it’s my brain being unreasonable, and move forward.

Always move forward. Never ignoring the minds tricks, but not wasting energy battling them and let it pass.

Context is key. I have choices here, my job itself isn’t actually bad, I have a reserve of leave available if I absolutely need it, home life has the usual stresses but we are in a far better position than most.

Balance. Not all about career happiness but not being afraid to pursue it. Not assuming the grass is greener elsewhere while also keeping the door open if something better is available.

Deep breaths. Slow the manic mind. Gratitude. Things will be fine.

Anxiety falls, clarity appears.

Move forward.

Calling out my own bullshit

11 years ago I wrote this post: Social media blackouts for weddings.

I had a very technology-positive stance around the use of smartphones and cameras by guests at weddings; and bristled at those who chose to either not allow guests to take photos, or who asked guests not to post anything until they did.

I now look back at my views then in the same way I see the Google Glass Explorers (a.k.a. Glassholes), which was actually released a few days after my post. We were a bit naive in the adoption and acceptance, seeing tech as moving us forward without enough empathy and sometimes flat out dismissal of others who disagreed.

On a personal level my thoughts on weddings being a celebration for everyone to freely capture as they seem fit, in addition to the value of a professional photographer not being diminished by their photos, actually remains the same.

What’s changed is that I understand and respect those who don’t feel this way.

While I’ve developed those feelings over the last decade as I’ve gotten older and (dare I say it) wiser; this was clarified to me over the weekend as my family attended a friend’s wedding.

They didn’t wish to have people take photos during the ceremony. And while they were happy for people to take whatever photos they wanted afterwards at the reception, they requested no social posts until they were able to do so the next day.

It seemed like a great balance (although in this case the marriage celebrant could have been a bit less condescending when advising guests).

They had a Google Photos shared album so guests can share their photos with the couple throughout the night and the following days. Which was actually a very cool use of technology to see photos of multiple guests being shared during the night.

Anyway where was I going with this? Oh yeah, I was wrong.

In the end, it was a great night and lots of nice photos were taken by all. Many of which I would love to share, but don’t feel it’s appropriate for a wider audience and will keep most of those to our friends circle.

I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. Not entirely focused on anything, lacking any productivity.

So three days ago, I made a change: I disabled my Threads, Instagram and LinkedIn accounts.

Since then, I can’t say I’m magically more productive; however I do feel like the noise has been reduced in my world. I suspect this is the lack of algorithm-based feeds in my life with these three social networks removed. I’m still on others like Mastodon, YouTube & Reddit, but the ability to turn off or ignore any algorithmic feed (if they have any) is useful.

I can go into these services, use them and then move on without the pull of the dopamine reward of the pull-to-refresh function coming along.

Thinking about it further and reading a post from Lee Peterson on the subject, I’m starting to look at reducing my consumption of podcasts throughout the day.

I listen to a lot of podcasts, but many of them are simply background noise as I go through my day. This is not helpful for my focus, as the voices and discussion tend to hamper my own thought process.

So while I haven’t deleted my podcast app yet, I’m making a conscious effort to no longer randomly put them on in the background.

We shall see if any of these changes stick. I suspect professionally I may seek to reenable LinkedIn at some point. The dopamine part of me misses Threads, but I think about how at ease my brain has been since I disabled it. Instagram only exists to give me access to Threads, so that it pretty easy to keep off.

I’ve been extremely blessed and grateful in my life so far, in part cause I’m yet to experience true grief in losing a loved one. While I’ve lost a grandparent and other relatives, my lack of communication from many of my extended family (my choice, not theirs) has meant I’ve had emotional separation to experience those moments more from the outside looking in.

As I get older, have kids of my own and see the people I grew up with getting more frail and weary; I know it will come. I can’t lie, I’m unsure how well I would cope with true grief.

A few specific things have brought this passing of time into sharp focus. My dad’s health has been hit over the past few years. While he could very much have some time left with us, there is a fear it could not if his health takes a turn for the worst.

The tough old bastard has already dealt with a brain tumour and heart attacks before I was 20. I’m grateful he’s even been able to be around another 20+ years as I’ve grown, gotten married and had kids of my own.

More than anything if the worst was to happen; I fear my kids going through the grief over anything I’ll be experiencing.

The second thing is less dire and more a recognition that the passage of time is going by. My niece is about to move to another city and embark on a life of her own. It’s an exciting time and a wonderful opportunity for a amazing young woman; I think she will thrive.

But there’s the obvious things. Family gatherings will have an obvious seat empty. While we are lucky enough to live in the age of easy and free video calls at any time, we are well aware it’s never the same thing. As a family with my wife’s side of the family living in the UK, we are very used to it but also increasing aware of its limitations as they get older too.

Mostly though while my niece is an amazing young woman, I still see her as the little almost 5 year old flower girl at our wedding. While I miss those days sometimes, I’m so happy I can look back in fondness and excited to look forward and see how she goes in this world.

So while time can induce fear of unknowns moving forward; it can also provide joy and excitement for whats next.

After a productive start of the year in my blog, I’ve kinda slowed down my writing output over the past few weeks.

A couple of reasons for this. The main one being life taking a busy turn; kids back at school, work projects ramping up etc. While I continue to journal, my brain just hasn’t had the space to think and write about a specific thing.

The other part is being indecisive on what to write about. I like tech and interntional living, but I don’t want this to end up as some amateur tech blog or end up just writing posts about intentional living that repeat themselves just to get more posts out.

So, I’ve decided to start a series called Melder’s Musings. Just a space for me to write about whatever I’m thinking or going through at the time; with no self pressure on the structure, length, or need to make a point or provide a key takeaway for whomever reads this.

Right now I’m in one of my happy places. It’s 7am and I’m at one of my favourite cafes near Roockingham Beach enjoying a coffee. I’m grateful I’m able to do this occasionally before I head to the office to start work.

After a series of stinking hot days here in Perth, Western Australia; I’m going to enjoy the hell out of the 27 degree celcius day, although it is still a bit too humid for my liking (we like a dry heat here in Perth).

I have recently purchased the Elite 10 ANC earbuds, which I might write some thoughts on at some stage. I did want some ANC earbuds for my train commute after giving my gen 1 AirPod Pros to my wife last year.

After damaging my hearing with music that was too loud when I was younger, I’m a bit more careful with my hearing these days (I’ll probably write something to expand on that too). As such, ANC earbuds are very useful for my commute to prevent me playing my music too loud on regular earbuds.

Must resist the urge to end a post with a nice little wrap up or sign off. That’s not the point of these ones Andrew :)

If you have pursued personal reflection activities or journaling, you may have come across some version of gratitude exercises. The idea being to focus and think of things to be grateful for in your life daily to help you appreciate what you have now. This can help in getting my mindset into a more positive space.

I’m prone to moving into a negative headspace really easily. Depression is something I have dealt with most of my adult life. Thankfully, I had access to counselling services very early on and started developing the tools to change my mindset and stop self sabotaging my own emotions with negative reinforcement.

One of those tools has been gratitude. Particularly in recent times, I’m always very conscious of how blessed I am in my life with a loving family, relative financial stability and minimal trauma in my life until now (I resisted even typing that last bit because I know it comes for all of us eventually).

But, I’ve noticed there are times when my gratitude mentality can also turn into a negative reinforcement.

If you are genuinely grateful yet still feeling down or even depressed; it’s very easy to get into a spiral of feeling down about feeling down. When you know your life is actually very blessed, so you should have no reason to feel down about any of it. When things in your life are beyond anything you could have imagined at your lowest point, so why do you now crave something beyond your happiness now?

For myself right now, it’s career. I’ve written about this previously if you are interested, but in short I find myself in a situation and career which is beyond what I ever imagined for myself and provides for my family and lifestyle; and yet I’m lacking any real fulfilment from it.

I read an article recently which referred to the “disease of more”. I won’t repeat some of the themes within it but encourage you to read it as well. In short, my takeaway was that our desire to achieve or seek fulfilment is a cycle that keeps us always wanting more instead of being truly happy with our scenarios now.

Or more more simply; how the act of seeking self improvement may actually make us feel worse.

It’s an interesting way to look at things. And while I’m not about to throw out looking at ways to make my work feel more valuable to me; I am going to add the lessons from the disease of more to my mental health toolbox.

To take some of the bitterness away from the gratitude.

It’s slightly odd to admit professionally that I have no idea what I’m doing.

I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a while now, but I’ve struggled with the ability to articulate it appropriately. From a young age, there’s a lot of focus on what do you want to be. How do you want to contribute to this world through your work, and obviously get paid well in the process.

In my work life I know how to execute my roles and am confident in my ability to do so, but not once have I had a clear vision of what I want or what’s next.

My least favourite question in interviews and performance reviews has been “where do you see yourself 1/3/5 years from now?”. I haven’t got a clue what’s in store in the next year or beyond; and I’ve come to terms with the possibility that I never will.

So looking back to where I’ve managed to be now; I wanted to write some thoughts for those in a similar position as me outlining my journey so far.

I must first make it clear that I’ve been grateful to be in environments that have allowed me to push and develop my skills, as well as provide opportunities for me to explore new avenues of work I may have never experienced otherwise. That hasn’t always been the case, but I’ve also had the support structure that always allowed me to pursue something better.

That really is a luxury that many struggle to obtain. I mention it because I don’t want this to come across as an “if I can do it, you can do it too!” article.

However I also have to recognise my own inputs in those opportunities, performing in my roles to an ability where people could identify the potential to provide new opportunities in the first place.

I’ve somehow also managed to have the confidence to take those opportunities (or leave unworkable situations) when appropriate, even when they have been difficult or involve a lot of unknowns. One time, that unknown was where my next job was going to be as a newly-wed with our first child on the way. That should have been extremely stressful, yet I remember having an unusual sense of assurance about the choices at the time.

Don’t get the wrong idea though as I’ve said no to some opportunities too, as well as being rejected for others. When presented it always has to be a decision that I’ve thought through based on my current needs but also my future needs as best as possible. Some of those past opportunities may have led to other great things; but I can’t dwell on what ifs.

Underlying all of this however seems to be an internal desire to not be stagnant; despite not knowing what I want to do at any given time. Even when I’ve been in the same roles for multiple years; there has still be progression, development and new skills being explored in each one. Which means that when the next opportunity has shown itself, I’m more ready than what I would’ve been if I just did the status quo.

If you’ve read this far, firstly thank you. But you may be thinking that this is leading to a conclusion that I’ve found a career path for me or that I’m fulfilled with my career. Far from it.

While I’m very good at my roles and it provides for my family; I don’t get any sense of purpose from it. This has not been something I’ve looked for in recent history, preferring to focus on usefulness and family stability.

However I would be lying if I said I haven’t been occasionally frustrated in the last year around the lack of purpose in my work.

It must be acknowledged that the search for purpose is very high in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs; which requires my lower level needs to be mostly addressed. Again I recognise that this is an extremely privileged position to be in.

The pursuit of purpose however is severely hampered when you have no goal, no true vision of what you want to achieve professionally even if money was no object.

So where to now? That’s a good question I’m still trying to uncover. At this stage, I don’t think the answer is a drastic change of career searching for purpose when I have no clear career goals to begin with.

My focus is looking for areas of purpose in what I do now. I can’t tell you how yet, if I figure it out I’ll be sure to let you know.

I’d be curious to hear your stories, whether your story is in progress like mine or has already been fulfilled.

While the digital town square never truly existed, the centralised social web is making way for connecting specialised communities instead

For a while there, Twitter did feel like a town square.

This wasn’t because most people were on it. Indeed from a numbers perspective, many other networks competed or even dwarfed the number of active Twitter users at any given time. Twitter was important because it was given validity via traditional media networks, which gave it a level of importance around overall public opinion that it probably didn’t deserve.

Trending topics were given mainstream coverage, even when it wasn’t clear just how many users were actually posting about said topics at any given time. They became an easy way for those with an agenda (positive or negative) to push their narrative to an audience wider than those who simply saw it on Twitter; as long as they could get it on the trending list.

This accelerated an already growing trend of posting extreme viewpoints for attention; because social networks were always tuned for maximum attention and not reasonable discussion. That trend then migrated into a media industry hit by revenues moving away from their industry & desperate for new income streams to hold up a crumbling business model.

While all this was happening without Twitter anyway, its real time nature became a central point for an industry looking for answers to a disruption they didn’t plan for.

For a lot of us, when you heard that something was going on and you wanted the latest information about it; you no longer turned on the news, you jumped on Twitter. This is what gave the service its perception of a global town square.

However, even before the events of the past few years; things were changing.

The use of Twitter by Donald Trump to help give him the exposure (amplified through traditional news networks) to enough people disenchanted with the status quo of politics to hand him the Presidency, followed by the mental overload of the pandemic in 2020; left many mentally exhausted, disenchanted at the societal effects of this globally connected world, and reviewing their use of social media & need to be constantly aware of everything going on in this world.

Combined with an increasing concern over the power a few Tech companies had over the global discussion and increased threats of regulation as a result; a move away from centralisation was already underway.

The Musk effect

In the same way that Twitter accelerated the move towards the centralised social web; Musk’s purchase of Twitter & actions since have accelerated the move away from it.

While some are still hoping the replicate its reach and influence such as Meta’s Threads service; other services which have been active for many years as an alternative to the centralised giants have seen massive growth; most notably Mastodon.

I’m not going to get into Mastodon, the Fediverse or the ActivityPub protocol here. Just know that Mastodon is a collection of thousands of small, generally community run, servers where it’s possible to communicate with each other regardless of server; however you generally interact the most within your server community.

With each community able to manage their own needs, there’s no centralised set of rules or social norms; but each is catered for their own audience.

While Mastodon is one example of a Twitter-like yet decentralised social web; the reality is beyond the technical implementations of each, people are now moving towards services where they prefer to interact like minded individuals with similar interests instead of joining a single service looking for the “global” view.

Reddit maybe the front page of the internet for some, but a lot of its value is in the variety of communities based on specific interests or locations. Discord has also grown in popularity over the years; initially as a gaming communications platform but then expanding to cater for interests of all types.

While Reddit and Discord might appear similar to the single centralised social model; their primary usage is more aligned to connecting like-minded people in smaller communities instead of connecting everyone to what is perceived to be the global community.

The future

While I don’t know if there will be another Twitter-like service that will have the same unifying influence; I believe that there won’t be one anytime soon.

What we are seeing is a correction of the oversharing, global attention-seeking social usage that the world undertook as we got our first taste of true global connectivity through the prevalence of mobile technology and effectively unlimited connectivity.

I think there is always a desire to connect with the world; but I think the focus of our online social efforts is moving towards quality over quantity. To connect locally; whether that’s based on location, or through common interests.

A blog at an end of a year wouldn’t be complete without a post reflecting on the year gone by and looking forward to the year ahead.

My reflection thoughts were looking pretty set until the past 5 days where a nasty stomach bug has left me glued to either my bed or my bathroom. A nice reminder providing context to the things that are worth focusing on compared to others that I should really just let go. Also a bit of a kick that I should probably up my game in terms of taking care of my physical health and well being.

The overall feelings of 2023 still remain though. On a personal level, I continue to be more blessed and grateful than I could have imagined at my lowest point around 15-16 years ago. My kids have their normal growing up items on their plate but they are both healthy, happy, generous and respectful little human beings that bring me so much joy and pride. My wife continues to amaze and delight and spoil me with her presence and love; I am continuously dumbstruck why she chose me of all people, but always focus on the fact that she does.

Professionally on the other hand, frustration is probably the key takeaway

I’m in a slightly odd position professionally. I’m good at what I do and it has given me a career that has allowed me to provide well for myself and my family. However in terms of feelings of accomplishment, pride or purpose in the work that I do; I have to admit that I find it completely lacking. In a time where the kids are getting older and starting to be more self sufficient as they enter and move through high school, it does feel there is an opportunity to move a little bit of my focus towards a professional goal or vision to work towards.

Except, I have no idea what that goal is in my current profession. Even more worryingly, I have no idea what that goal is even if I had the financial security to do whatever I wanted.

My least favourite question of interviews or performance reviews of the past has always been “Where do you see yourself in 1/3/5 years?” It’s always been a bugbear that I don’t really have a vision for my future, never had. I’ve always just kept moving forward.

Which is probably why frustration has been a key phrase as I attempt to look for a purpose; I don’t know what I actually want to achieve! Even from a personal hobby perspective I struggle with goal setting. I like (and think I’m decent at) photography, but any attempts to set a project around it have not driven me more than just taking snapshots of my life as I go along. I don’t mind gaming but I don’t get seriously into it, and flat out avoid any multiplayer games (either offline or online) that would involve getting involved with others which have a similar interest.

As I write this, I find myself wondering if the lack of connection with others is what I’m actually missing here?

Anyway, I will continue to try and find a purpose in what I do or what I maybe good at. I fear it might be some deeper work involved to really figure that out, with a lot more frustration to come.

Goals for 2024

Like many, I’ve set and failed at many New Years Resolutions in the past. I don’t intend to repeat that by assuming “this time I’ll make a better effort and actually achieve it”.

However I do have an overarching vision for 2024 instead of a goal: slow down and create more.

I don’t have any specific ways I intend to do this, but more of a vision of how I intend to undertake all aspects of my life as best as I can; with patience, intention and creativity when possible.

It’s that time of the year again; Christmas Eve. I once again find myself filled with utter gratitude and blessings for the life I have. A wonderful wife who actually seems to love me, kids who are smart, clever and kind, in-laws who I get along with and are able to spend the holidays with us, a secure roof over our heads and so much more.

As such my mind always thinks about those who aren’t as lucky as I am during this period. While I’ve always had people around and a place to live, I’ve had some times in my life where this time of year triggered massive bouts of depression.

Thankfully I’ve never felt so low that I’ve attempted something drastic; but I shudder to think the times where those thoughts started creeping in occasionally. My thoughts are with those who are going through such struggles at this time.

There’s not much more I can say here. Please reach out to anyone, whether its loved ones or specialised services available in your area, if you are feeling the pain this Christmas. I’ll end this with a seasons greeting I heard recently which I liked:

Wishing you all a merry and happy Christmas. And if you are struggling with things right now, may you have a peaceful Christmas.

Over the years I’ve tried numerous attempts to write and blog more. Most have failed as per the usual story, not being consistent and eventually stopping posting all together.

Once again, I find myself wanting to write and create more. Not in a social media quick thoughts and photo posts kinda way (although I will still do that), but really settling down on a topic and writing something that is a bit deeper and a bit more meaningful to me.

How is this attempt any different?

Yes, there is a good chance I might repeat the same mistakes again this time around. I’m not ignorant enough to think that a change of circumstances and mindset listed below are enough to make this attempt last. However, I do believe their are a couple of things on my side this time around.

I’ve taken up journaling

Since the last time I seriously attempted to publish more posts online, I’ve taken up personal journaling. I’m not here to tell you it’s changed my life, but I am fairly consistent with it as it is a great method to help me get through the jumble of thoughts in my own head and work out things; particularly in times of stress or overload.

In a very real way, journaling has been a source of therapy to purge the jumble of thoughts in my brain, make sense of some things and let go of the thoughts that are not helpful or useful to me moving forward.

I see this blog as an extension of my journaling

Occasionally I find myself journaling about a topic or item that I wouldn’t mind diving deeper into, but I haven’t had an avenue to dig deeper into that. Yes I could probably do so in a file in my Logseq and keep it there; but then what. There is something about publishing a post, even if no one reads it, that feels more substantial than simply keeping it in a personal file never to be referred to.

This time, it’s just for me

I’ve been guilty of stat checking on my previous attempts and getting down on the lack of engagement. And while it would be great to get some engagement, it’s not a goal this time around. I’m just doing this for me.

Much like my Mastodon instance (melder.social) is my own way of doing social media; this blog is my own way of doing blogging, for my own satisfaction and benefit.

Why Micro.blog?

The biggest reasons are simplicity and control. My old WordPress blog (andrewmelder.wordpress.com) was ok but the complexity of it seemed overkill for what I need: just a page to write and post. I also like the ability to export all my items easily if I decide Micro.blog doesn’t work for me and their pricing is simple and reasonable for what I want to use it for.

What will I write about?

Anything I want :) I might write about thoughts about topics I’m either interested in or have opinions about, I might write some reviews or recommendations of things I like. What I know is I’m quite keen to get started.

If you would like to take this journey with me, I would gladly enjoy the company. Everything I write will be shared with my Mastodon account (melder.social/@andrew) and also shared possibly via Medium (if cross posting works).