Andrew Melder

As I come up to my final few days of my long service leave, I have to admit a mixture of nerves and apprehension about going back next week.

It’s not so much the thought of having to work after such a long break (although, I wouldn’t say no to a lotto win and extended holiday as much as the next person); but the concern that I will mentally end up back where I was before the break: tired with a lack of drive and direction.

The burnout fear was the reason I took leave in the first place. While I think things will be fine, at least initially, and I will get back into a groove; I still can’t help but feel a little afraid of the break not actually working to resolve my work concerns.

On the plus side I’m confident that I am doing a good job while I am there. Despite a few concerns heading into the break personally, the boss and the client didn’t seem to have any issues with the quality of the work prior to my leave. To the point where my boss was a little surprised when I advised on my leave due to burnout.

I’m also aware that having a good job where I am valued is something many would be envious of.

I’ve written previously about a lack of purpose in my work. I’m no longer sure I’m after a purpose from it, more a sense of personal value where I can actually come home contented about what I’ve done. To not have the constant feeling, despite the feedback I get, that I’m just making up the numbers.

Maybe I’m overthinking things. To paraphrase I book I’ve been reading called ‘There’s no such thing as an easy job’:

“The time has come to embrace the ups and downs again. I had no way of knowing what pitfalls might be lying in wait for me, but you never know what was going to happen, whatever you did.

You just give it your all, and hope for the best. Hope like anything it would turn out alright."

Been a little while since I wrote and posted anything. As per my last post, I’ve needed a break and have taken a couple of months off from work in order to recharge.

Coming up to my third week off and it’s been ok. Main thing is I’ve allowed myself to actually break and not try and set house goals while I’ve been on leave.

However, weirdly I’ve gotten a fair bit done as well. One of them was out of necessity as my wife and daughter are redoing her room. They cleared everything out and my wife painted the walls, I simply put the new bed together. Will also need to put together a new desk for her once we work out what desk to get.

Other than that and a few other things around the house; I’ve mostly been spending my time looking after our puppy. She’s doing well and I’m basically in love with that furry nugget :D I love our lap and nap times but she’s also getting a little big (around 15kg I think), so it’s getting harder to carry her.

Poor thing is going through teething at the moment so a lot of things revolve around teaching her not to nip and bite at people. About to start taking her for walks now that her vaccinations are up to date, however the weather has been a bit wet (not that she would mind).

So far, I would say the break has been worth it. I still have concerns that when I get back I’ll feel a little like it was a waste of leave. While we already had a trip to Sydney booked and leave sorted for 2 weeks, taking the remaning two months off can sometimes feel a little unnecessary.

However, then I remember my mood towards work before this break and I need to allow myself to remember that this break was needed. Still, there have been times where I’ve thought to myself that I’ve rested enough and should’ve taken a shorter break. I need to let go this fear of using leave when it isn’t for a specific reason.

Annoyingly I’ve given in to my consumerist tendencies a bit with the time off, but I finally got hold of a camera I’ve wanted for years: the Pentax Q. Looking forward to taking this to Sydney when we go, and I might write more about it specifically once I have some more time with it (and acquire the 06 telephoto lens I’ve also wanted for it).

I have spent a little time writing in my journal still. This is nice but as I’ve mentioned previously, it doesn’t trigger me to write posts for my blog. I might move my journaling back to my trusty Writer Forte to more easily go between journaling and developing posts for the blog. We shall see.

For now, I’m just feeling very grateful that I have time to take. Time to sit here in one of my favourite cafes, having a coffee and writing this post. No need to check the time taken to make sure I get to work. Able to finish up here then take my new little camera down to the beach here for some photos (while it’s cold and wet, going to the beach is still a nice thing to do).