Heading back
As I come up to my final few days of my long service leave, I have to admit a mixture of nerves and apprehension about going back next week.
It’s not so much the thought of having to work after such a long break (although, I wouldn’t say no to a lotto win and extended holiday as much as the next person); but the concern that I will mentally end up back where I was before the break: tired with a lack of drive and direction.
The burnout fear was the reason I took leave in the first place. While I think things will be fine, at least initially, and I will get back into a groove; I still can’t help but feel a little afraid of the break not actually working to resolve my work concerns.
On the plus side I’m confident that I am doing a good job while I am there. Despite a few concerns heading into the break personally, the boss and the client didn’t seem to have any issues with the quality of the work prior to my leave. To the point where my boss was a little surprised when I advised on my leave due to burnout.
I’m also aware that having a good job where I am valued is something many would be envious of.
I’ve written previously about a lack of purpose in my work. I’m no longer sure I’m after a purpose from it, more a sense of personal value where I can actually come home contented about what I’ve done. To not have the constant feeling, despite the feedback I get, that I’m just making up the numbers.
Maybe I’m overthinking things. To paraphrase I book I’ve been reading called ‘There’s no such thing as an easy job’:
“The time has come to embrace the ups and downs again. I had no way of knowing what pitfalls might be lying in wait for me, but you never know what was going to happen, whatever you did.
You just give it your all, and hope for the best. Hope like anything it would turn out alright."