Andrew Melder

A blog at an end of a year wouldn’t be complete without a post reflecting on the year gone by and looking forward to the year ahead.

My reflection thoughts were looking pretty set until the past 5 days where a nasty stomach bug has left me glued to either my bed or my bathroom. A nice reminder providing context to the things that are worth focusing on compared to others that I should really just let go. Also a bit of a kick that I should probably up my game in terms of taking care of my physical health and well being.

The overall feelings of 2023 still remain though. On a personal level, I continue to be more blessed and grateful than I could have imagined at my lowest point around 15-16 years ago. My kids have their normal growing up items on their plate but they are both healthy, happy, generous and respectful little human beings that bring me so much joy and pride. My wife continues to amaze and delight and spoil me with her presence and love; I am continuously dumbstruck why she chose me of all people, but always focus on the fact that she does.

Professionally on the other hand, frustration is probably the key takeaway

I’m in a slightly odd position professionally. I’m good at what I do and it has given me a career that has allowed me to provide well for myself and my family. However in terms of feelings of accomplishment, pride or purpose in the work that I do; I have to admit that I find it completely lacking. In a time where the kids are getting older and starting to be more self sufficient as they enter and move through high school, it does feel there is an opportunity to move a little bit of my focus towards a professional goal or vision to work towards.

Except, I have no idea what that goal is in my current profession. Even more worryingly, I have no idea what that goal is even if I had the financial security to do whatever I wanted.

My least favourite question of interviews or performance reviews of the past has always been “Where do you see yourself in 1/3/5 years?” It’s always been a bugbear that I don’t really have a vision for my future, never had. I’ve always just kept moving forward.

Which is probably why frustration has been a key phrase as I attempt to look for a purpose; I don’t know what I actually want to achieve! Even from a personal hobby perspective I struggle with goal setting. I like (and think I’m decent at) photography, but any attempts to set a project around it have not driven me more than just taking snapshots of my life as I go along. I don’t mind gaming but I don’t get seriously into it, and flat out avoid any multiplayer games (either offline or online) that would involve getting involved with others which have a similar interest.

As I write this, I find myself wondering if the lack of connection with others is what I’m actually missing here?

Anyway, I will continue to try and find a purpose in what I do or what I maybe good at. I fear it might be some deeper work involved to really figure that out, with a lot more frustration to come.

Goals for 2024

Like many, I’ve set and failed at many New Years Resolutions in the past. I don’t intend to repeat that by assuming “this time I’ll make a better effort and actually achieve it”.

However I do have an overarching vision for 2024 instead of a goal: slow down and create more.

I don’t have any specific ways I intend to do this, but more of a vision of how I intend to undertake all aspects of my life as best as I can; with patience, intention and creativity when possible.

It’s that time of the year again; Christmas Eve. I once again find myself filled with utter gratitude and blessings for the life I have. A wonderful wife who actually seems to love me, kids who are smart, clever and kind, in-laws who I get along with and are able to spend the holidays with us, a secure roof over our heads and so much more.

As such my mind always thinks about those who aren’t as lucky as I am during this period. While I’ve always had people around and a place to live, I’ve had some times in my life where this time of year triggered massive bouts of depression.

Thankfully I’ve never felt so low that I’ve attempted something drastic; but I shudder to think the times where those thoughts started creeping in occasionally. My thoughts are with those who are going through such struggles at this time.

There’s not much more I can say here. Please reach out to anyone, whether its loved ones or specialised services available in your area, if you are feeling the pain this Christmas. I’ll end this with a seasons greeting I heard recently which I liked:

Wishing you all a merry and happy Christmas. And if you are struggling with things right now, may you have a peaceful Christmas.